Struggling...

Some days you get up and basically cruise through the day like an 80's rock star wearing a leather jacket with a popped collar. Other days you just sort of make it through. 

Today was not an 80's rock star kind of day. I was struggling today in a BIG way.

Kevin and I got back Saturday from being on a fantastic week-long cruise. We had so much fun, and really got a chance to relax (the couples massage really helped....warm vanilla oil, hot stones....what's not to love?). Since we got back though, I've been in a funk. Maybe it's the fact that we were gone for a whole week. Or maybe it's the fact that it was relatively fall-like when we left, but came back to decidedly winter-y temperatures. Maybe it's because it felt like summer everywhere we went, and all of a sudden we were home putting up the Christmas tree. What?

Maybe it's the fact that the minute we got Ruby home from Kevin's parents house, she turned into a total basket case. She was trembling, and when we put her inside to unload the luggage from our car, she bolted and made a very impressive attempt at running away. Picture me sprinting down the street in our neighborhood yelling after her, totally panicked that a car would hit her when she got to the main road. I did catch her, and hauled her unwillingly into the car that Kevin had come after us in. I spent the rest of the evening worrying about her, and trying to coax her to eat french fries from our drive-through Wendy's dinner. Yes, trying to feed them to her. It took a good half hour before she'd even look at the people-food I was begging her to eat. 

All day today I just felt like I was suffering from a huge case of post-vacation depression. What do you mean I have to get up before 6am? Why is there not a fluffy stack of pancakes sitting at the breakfast table waiting for me? 32 degrees outside? Surely you must be joking. Why is our delightful waiter not anticipating my arrival to the dinner table with my preferred wine, and several plates of fresh steamed lobster? I'll have the chocolate melting cake for dessert. What? Make it myself? What is going on? WHERE IS MY PINA COLADA?

On the bright side, I'm starting to get excited about Christmas. Our tree is up and looking lovely (note to self: water Christmas tree so it doesn't look like Charlie Brown's by December 25th), and we had our first glass of eggnog last night (added a little splash of bourbon, and a little sprinkling of nutmeg and cinnamon). Kevin wasn't a huge fan, which just means one thing: more for me. 

Now time to buckle down and get our shopping done!

My Husband

I hope I never lose this feeling of wonder that Kevin is my husband, and that he loves me so much. It's amazing to think how much has happened since we got married, and this coming Tuesday marks our second wedding anniversary. I still remember everything so clearly, from the way he looked when I met him, to how he looked when I married him. I remember the little butterflies I felt when I was getting ready for our first date, and I remember how quickly I felt at ease as we wandered around the Marietta square, eating ice cream (chocolate for me, rainbow sherbet for him) and talking about Quentin Tarantino movies. I remember how quickly I fell in love with him, and how in awe I was of God for being so faithful to me, for hearing my prayers, and for everything that happened in His perfect plan so that Kevin and I found each other.

I'm so grateful for his love for me, and for how strong and kind he is. He challenges me, makes me want to be better, and makes me want to be the best wife I can. He protects me and fights for me. He comforts and encourages me. He makes me laugh every single day, sometimes to the point that I'm afraid I might pee a little from laughing so much.

My husband is the best.

Happy almost-Anniversary Kev!

Big Girl Problems

Do you ever find yourself going about your day, performing some perfectly normal task, when all of a sudden, you realize you're [insert your age here]?

I had that moment the other day. I was in the kitchen in the evening, and I was cleaning up and thinking about a nice dark smoky blue color for our kitchen when we re-do it soon. All of a sudden, I realized "I have a kitchen", which was quickly followed up with the thought "I have a house". I have a house. Kevin and I have a house that we own, and we live in it, and it's ours. Whaaaaat?

I have a house. And I'm married to an awesome guy. He's literally the smartest person I know, besides Sheldon Cooper (and let's face it, Sheldon is fictional, and also irritating). We have a dog who is really adorable, and has mostly stopped chewing stuff up. How did all this happen? Also I can drive. I vividly remember being so young, and thinking that driving seemed like this awesome responsibility, and it just seemed so complicated and stressful. I drive now, and there are days when I drive the whole way home on mental-autopilot, as if it's a habit like brushing my hair or folding laundry - something that you do out of muscle memory. I can drive. When did this happen?

I have a 401K. I always wrinkle my nose a little when I say that. Weird. Having a 401K feels decidedly grown-up, but not in a fun way.

There are perks to being grown up, though. I can rock glitter nail polish with grown-up outfits. Pretty high heels are super fun. Being at the grocery store and just having the realization that you could just fill your cart with Pilsbury Cinnamon Buns, SmartFood popcorn, and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese if you wanted to. You don't, but the knowledge that you could is pretty fun if you think about it. Realizing that people telling you what to do has been replaced with people giving you advice, which you can decide whether or not to take. Bourbon is a fun grown-up thing, too, especially if it's splashed into ginger ale. Did you run out of ginger ale to go with your bourbon? That's a big girl problem.

I think all of this getting older just blows my mind because in a lot of ways, I still feel like the 9-year-old version of myself. Still 9, still really into Barbie dolls and Disney movies, dreaming of someday owning a horse, and reading Anne of Green Gables and Little Women over and over and over again.

Some things don't change. I still love feeling cozy, and hanging around the house with pajamas and fluffy socks on. I still love a good cup of tea with honey in it. I still daydream sometimes that I'll have a horse someday (or at least ride a horse someday, preferably one that isn't super-pregnant and trying to bite me while I ride it). I still read Anne of Green Gables and Little Women at least once a year. I think I might like Disney movies more now than when I was 9.

Still, though, it's a good life, it just goes by so dang quickly! I really really need to slow down a little and enjoy it more, because before we know it, we'll be older, and maybe have a little one, and life will go by faster and faster and then I'll be 60. I'm sure more things will happen between the age of 27 and 60, but given how fast life has been flying by lately, I wouldn't be surprised if it just feels like I blink, and I'm there, scooting along in a walker and grumbling about those kids on my lawn with their new-fangled contraptions and how everything was simpler back in my day when we had Hulu and Steve Jobs was still alive.

Here's to slowing down a little (or a lot) and enjoying the things in life that really matter.